Sullivan`s Travels Page #6

It gives me indigestion.

- Just make that two coffees.

- That'll be ten cents.

That's all right.

It's right here someplace.

- Holy Boses.

- What's the matter?

I must have spent id

at that owl wagon.

- I'll never get rich.

- Oh, gee.

You're a little richer

than you were.

Hundreds of miles from everything,

cut off from the world,

a taste of human kindness.

I'll never forget it as long as I live.

What town is this?

- Las Vegas, Nevada.

- Las Vegas, Devada. This is the busy...

- Las Vegas! You mean Las Vegas?

- What about it?

Is there a land yacht

waiting here?

Land yacht?

You mean that thing?

That's perfectly wonderful,

Mr. Sullivan.

I rejoice in your experience.

- And where does this gentleman live?

- Just up there by the tracks.

- Give him $100. Never mind who from.

- That's swell.

- A great human-interest story.

- It'll probably ruin him.

He'll give turkey dinners

to every slug that comes in...

and never

hit the jackpot again.

All right, all right.

Buy the kid here a few clothes,

and meet me in Kansas City,

someplace near the station.

I'm going the hard way.

So long, gang.

Just a minute, please.

Sit down!

- But listen, Doc!

- You listen.

It's three days in bed, minimum.

- This is just a cold shot. You won't even feel it.

- Yow!

- I haven't time to spend three days in bed.

- You'll take the time.

You'll get to Kansas City

just as soon, and you can imagine...

that you went there on your

cow snatcher, or whatever you used.

What have you got

an imagination for?

- Here's something for you.

- What's that?

It's Christmas. So long.

Come in!

Here's a wrapper for you

and some slippers.

- What?

- A wrapper.

Oh, thanks.

There's some makeup

in the medicine cabinet.

- Thanks. I can use it.

- You sure can.

Yes, sir, Mr. LeBrand, he's

in the next room taking a little snooze.

He looks great. This whole thing

is doing him a power of good.

- Come in.

- Hello. Feel better?

No, I'm sore. There's nothing

the matter with me but a little fever.

Even if I did get sick, they could've

sent me to some free hospital.

Wherever they send you.

It would have been very interesting.

They give you a nice free burial too,

at Potter's Field.

"Free burial. " Why does everybody

exaggerate everything so much?

I've got a little cold in my head.

You take a dose of salts,

and there you are.

- It's because you're a very valuable man.

- Bushwah.

- You make very lovely pictures.

- Phooey.

- Well, you do.

- It's a funny thing, how everything...

keeps shoving me back to Hollywood

or Beverly Hills...

Or this monstrosity we're riding in...

almost like gravity.

As if some force were saying,

"Get back where you belong.

You don't belong out here

in real life, you phony, you. "

You're a little feverish.

Maybe there's a universal law

that says, " Stay put.

As you are,

so shall you remain. "

Maybe that's why tramps

are always in trouble.

They don't vote.

They don't pay taxes.

They violate the law of nature.

You look very pretty

in that outfit.

Maybe that's why they don't

want trailer colonies.

- Or am I getting a bit profound?

- You're getting a bit hot.

Your hand is very cool.

But nothing is going stop me...

I'm going to find out

how it feels to be in trouble,

without friends, without credit,

without checkbook,

without name... alone.

- And I'll go with you.

- How can I be alone if you're with me?

Yes, sir, Mr. LeBrand.

It's all finished.

the greatest expedition

of modern times,

almost the greatest sacrifice

ever made by human man.

- Good morning, Joseph.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

He's all washed up, except tonight

he's going through for a quick tour.

He's taking $1,000

in $5.00 bills...

and he's going to hand them out to these

tramps in gratitude for what they done for him.

Now is that a story? Does that

give you a lump in your throat,

or does that give you

a lump in your throat?

- Hello.

- Hello. Tired?

No, no.

I was just thinking.

Well, here we are

at the end of the adventure.

I'll go down tonight and give them

a little money, and that winds it up.

Now, what do you want to do?

Do you want to go home

or take another crack at Hollywood?

- Well, I...

- with a nice, fat letter to Lubitsch?

I'd sort of like to...

go where you go.

I mean, I'd sort of

hoped that you'd...

Well, I mean, that you'd want us

to go on together a little longer,

now that we kind of

got used to each other.

- Of course I would, if I wasn't married.

- Who's married?

Didn't you know that? I thought

everyone had heard of my misfortune.

- Of course I didn't.

- What do you mean?

As if I'd snatched you

away from your loving grandmother.

- Are you in love with her?

- That vulture?

- Then why did you marry her?

- Income tax.

- Income tax?

- It was supposed to save me $24,000 a year.

It's what's called a joint return.

It's California law.

Each one pays half, and the total

is less than the aggregate surtax,

so the surtax is less

than the something or other.

It was an idea

of my business manager's.

- I think it's disgusting.

- It wasn't supposed to be romantic.

It was supposed to save me

$12,000 a year, but it didn't.

- Turned out she couldn't live on $12,000 a year.

- Good.

- Lovely. She had to have $24,000.

- Good.

Don't keep saying "good" all the time,

or I'll poke you in the nose.

- Good.

- Now, listen.

So I demanded the divorce

she'd promised me.

And she told you

to go fry an egg.

She said it would break

her mother's heart.

Some fine advice

your business manager gave you.

I found out why.

He was getting half.

- And you really can't get a divorce ever?

- Never.

You can't get a divorce without

collusion, and she won't collude.

I guess

I ought to go home, then.

You could still have

that letter to Lubitsch.

Could I still come and push you

in the pool sometimes?

- Of course you could.

- I guess that's better than nothing.

There, there, there.

My gracious.

Here are the $5.00 bills,

Mr. Sullivan.

Hello, Johnnie.

Get me two tickets

on the midnight plane.

Two tickets? Oh, two tickets!

Yes, indeed, Mr. Sullivan.

- They're pretty, aren't they?

- Uh-huh.

- Do you want one?

- Yes.

Here. You can have two of them.

Did you cancel the plane tickets?

They cancel themselves. I'm gonna give

him just 15 minutes more, and then...

I'm sure he's all right.

He probably got interested

in a revival meeting or something and...

Hello? Yes, Doc.

Not in the hospitals, huh?

Sure. I guess

that's all you can do.

Anyway, he didn't have an accident.

Oh?

He isn't, huh?

Val has covered

the police stations.

- Okay.

- I guess you can come back now.

I should have gone with him.

I knew he'd get into trouble without me.

- I told him that...

- I'll gonna give him just 12 minutes more,

Then I'm gonna lay it in LeBrand's lap

and let him figure it out.

- Sully'll be awfully sore if you...

- Let him be sore.

I got a job too, you know.

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